Again I see that, in returning to Zen practice, some patterns seem to be repeating. Apologies for the disorganized jumble that follows.
Today when I woke up and before I opened my eyes, there was a short space of nothing before I had the thought (something like) “Oh shit it’s late” followed by the thought “but that’s ok” followed by the thought “because there is no good or bad” followed by the thought “but if I knew that in my heart I wouldn’t have the thought ‘but that’s ok’. Then a bunch of other thoughts started raining down – analyzing, justifying, self-soothing. At that point I was lost in thinking so I dropped it until now when I could post about it.
First of all there was the wordless space of unknown duration during which I had no thoughts, but instead, just raw perception. This is a heavenly thing to me. When I was practicing regularly in the past, it happened every morning. Upon awakening there would be sounds and (if my eyes opened) sights, tactile sensations and perhaps scents but I would not judge these sensations as good or bad – at least for a short (probaby VERY short) time. I can’t really say how long that state lasts. It is a blissful feeling, but doesn’t become so until it disappears. Read the rest of this entry »
