Attention Means Attention

Simple Attention

The secret of beginning a life of deep awareness and sensitivity lies in our willingness to pay attention. Our growth as conscious, awake human beings is marked not so much by grand gestures and visible renunciations as by extending loving attention to the minutest particulars of our lives. Every relationship, every thought, every gesture is blessed with meaning through the wholehearted attention we bring to it.

In the complexities of our minds and lives we easily forget the power of attention, yet without attention we live only on the surface of existence. It is just simple attention that allows us truly to listen to the song of a bird, to see deeply the glory of an autumn leaf, to touch the heart of another and be touched. We need to be fully present in order to love a single thing wholeheartedly. We need to be fully awake in this moment if we are to receive and respond to the learning inherent in it.

–Christina Feldman and Jack Kornfield, in Stories of the Spirit, Stories of the Heart
from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book

When I read this I thought that Christina and Jack must have never worked in a deli, fast food joint, or any fast paced, pressurized, environment with customers waiting to get pissed off if their sammich isn’t ready in 3 and a half minutes.

The heart of the matter -Does It Work?

The question we are often asking ourselves, but one that is rarely spoken aloud, is addressed simply and directly here by Sensei Janet Jiryu Abel in this excerpt from a talk. In the Soto school of Zen, which is the predominant sect in Japan, the practice consists almost entirely of Shikintaza or “just sitting”. Shikintaza is literally to take the posture of Zazen and just sit there with no goals, no aspirations, no good, no bad, just sit. There are no cookies or trophies. You don’t necessarily get up from sitting feeling great that you did it. You may rise from your noble posture only to ask yourself why the hell would anybody just sit there like a dumbass.

Practice at MKZC

I went to the second part of orientation at the Maria Kannon Zen Center today. I sat 2 rounds of both zazen and kinhin the first a 15 minute siting and the second for 25 minutes sitting – kinhin is 5 minutes.

Before I give the details of my experience today, I feel that I need to say that I am realizing that I have not given nearly enough of my spiritual “history” for everything I will be talking about to make sense. I will be working on correcting that by adding to the about page. Until then I’ll have to explain as I go along.

I am taking orientation at MKZC because (1) it is a formality for all students and (2)even though I practiced at MKZC for over 2 years, that was a long time ago. I feel that the orientation acts as a refresher and also, this is a new stage in my life. It’s another time of death and rebirth. I want this to be new- as in Shoshin or beginner’s mind.

That said, the orientation today was good to experience. It was enjoyable to see all kinds of people, including those new at zen and old hands as well as a young girl. I am thinking she might be 10 or so. That’s very unusual and delighful to see a child choosing to practice along with her parents. If it were not a choice, I wouldn’t be so happy about it, but again that has a lot to do with MY history.

During the talk, Helen Cortes, assistant Zen teacher, mentioned that she was available for dokusan. So I asked fora talk. What happens in Dokusan, stays in Dokusan supposedly, and it should IMO. But I did talk to her about my goal of making MKZC my “monastery” by moving close by and attending as regularly as possible. She was very receptive, so ’nuff said. I plan on moving within a mile or so of the center and making it my “work” as well as my practice. I can’t think of anything better for a 58 year old me to do.

I’m cutting it short there as I am tired. I just wanted to dash this down because I am happy about it.

Namaste and all that,
jpaul

Practice and a dream

I had a dream just now that was quite interesting. Zen doesn’t seem to put a lot of stock in dreams. I’ve heard it’s the result of too much sleep (not the case for this one however). I think the ancients paid more attention to them. I’ve belonged to some dream groups and had Jungian analysis, which often uses dreams. To me dreams are a message from myself to myself. A letter maybe telling me what is happening in my life.

This dream had a lot of repeathing themes. It was set in a huge home that seemed to have endless new wings.

Today’s practice

My goal was to start my daily zazen practice yesterday with two ten minute periods. Well I did one. I have done two already today, one early, about 5 am and one around noon. Ten minutes is a very short time in terms of Zazen. It takes that long just to settle into position and for all the thoughts to begin to stop fluttering around, especially the one that says “look at me, I’m doing ZEN, bubba!” Again, cheating at solitaire.

I think my sitting was good. I managed my posture well and I do remember the posture. My major problem is lower back pain caused by letting my belly sink forward and pulling my lower back in and butt out. But I’m finding it, I’m finding it. I’m finding that invisible line that runs through my head and body and straight on down into the earth. I am doing shikantaza at times (just sitting, following the breath) and I am counting the breath at other times.

I have begun a technique that I’ve never heard of. Many times I have heard Zen masters and teachers say that the in breath is not so important as the out breath. In the temple, the in breath was supposed to be no more than half the length of the out breath. My teacher’s Master wens so far as to say that he DOESN’T breath in. I am sure he meant that he puts all his attention on the out. Suzuki says that people who are interested in the in breath tend to be selfish.

So what I did during my last session was simply to take that quick in breath and use the time to subtly adjust my posture. The breath is very quick, not abrupt or gasping but quick. There is always some subtle adjustment that I would be doing anyway. moving my hand an eighth of an inch to make a more perfect mudra, settling my ass a squinch and, very often lifting and straightening my back and head and tucking my chin. These tiny movements would not be observable by someone sitting next to me or even watching me maybe. I think everyone does it. It’s really the practice – keeping the posture. But this way my concentration is not on the in-breath and my posture is in constant check. I can let the out breath flow slowly and watch it all the way down to the very bottom. I like it – but I’ll have to check it out with Rubin when I finally get dokusan (private interview – I promise to start a glossary soon) with him.

So, again the ten minutes is short and I will probably increase to twenty-five very soon. This is way premature, but I may even start doing two twenty-five minute rounds with a five minute kinhin (walking meditation) in the middle. We’ll see.

New – Zazen Instruction

If you have access to a Zen center and/or a well qualified instructor, please get instruction from them.

I’ve added a new page (button at top) with basic instruction on how to sit Zazen. If you can sit full lotus, then do so. If you, like most of us, have so sit in one of the other postures, they are all just fine. The important thing is to sit as well as you can.

Obviously this is not meant to be replacement for a living instructor. But it can serve those who do not have access to such a person and as a reminder when you need to be sure you are using the correct posture.

I, myself have to use a bench (like the sitting in a chair photo) because of large weight gain and arthritis. I hope to work back up to at least Burmese or half lotus. But, one more time, the important thing is to sit Zazen.

Finally, I sit

I got all the goodies that I think I need to sit. Yes, yes, I know you don’t need nothing but yer body, but, hell, the right tool for the right job ya know? Plus there’s reasons for these things.

Actually it don’t amount to much and I still don’t have a bell (not to mention a mokyugo (sp), but I”ll live.

I actually am really happy I found this “saddle stool” at Target and for a reasonable price. It’s narrow and dished out in the middle for comfort. I can either straddle it like I’m riding a horse, or sit like it’s a regular stool and put my feet flat on the floor. It’s just the right height and with a towel for padding quite comfy. It’ll be useful later on, perhaps as a drawing stool as well.

I have my timer, my comfy clothes ( I do miss my robe, nothing more comfortable than that) and my incense. I had to pick some up at pier one until I can get to a place that sells the good stuff. My favorite is Shoyeido.

So today, at sunup (it’s just now 6 am here) I will actually sit for a timed 10 minutes and this afternoon before dinner, another 10. I decided to start out at 10 minutes twice a day and work up to 25 twice a day in a couple weeks. I have seen that people sometimes try to push right into a lengthy sitting routine only to give up sitting at all in a week or so. My spiritual life (for lack of a better term) has its own timetable and I won’t push it.

I am just glad I have worked up to this point. Is it getting light outside? No not yet.

sketching and practice

As I re-enter the practice of Zen I notice myself following a course similar to when I first started serious practice years ago. At first doing Zazen seems like a dreaded chore to be put off or ignored, so to break it into tolerable chunks I would do what I now think of as “one breath” meditations. That is. letting my breath settle for a moment and then taking a deep breath and letting it go slowly.

at this moment

I have been posting various excerpts, vids, and stuff found elsewhere that strikes something in me instead of sharing anything of myself. There’s several reasons for this.

The obvious difficulty in making posts in this blog is trying to think of words that point to an experience that is beyond words. I have read admonitions in many books about getting stuck “eating the menu” or, in other words, to attempt to find satisfaction in thinking or talking about a practice that, by definition is not based in words or letters. But then there HAVE been MANY books, as I said. So, talking about the unspeakable is certainly popular. Human nature I guess.

Zazen at my old Zendo

I’ve talked about it for years. The man who introduced me to Zen and the Zen center he started. I actually visited it at its new and infinitely more peaceful location last Sunday. I am going back through orientation and that is fine. I and my body have changed. It’s HARD to sit now. I have to use a bench but I do have faith that I can reach half-lotus again given time. I so look forward to seeing Rubin again.

I can’t go into much more detail at the moment but the Maria Kannon Zen Center (hereafter referred to as MKZC) will probably be a popular subject in future posts. Take a moment to check out their site, it’s a good one.