Where have I been?

I’ve been lost in thought
Working things out
Making big plans
Considering my future
Weighing my choices
Using my head
Trying my best to solve my problems with my mind
When my mind itself is the problem.

The heart of the matter -Does It Work?

The question we are often asking ourselves, but one that is rarely spoken aloud, is addressed simply and directly here by Sensei Janet Jiryu Abel in this excerpt from a talk. In the Soto school of Zen, which is the predominant sect in Japan, the practice consists almost entirely of Shikintaza or “just sitting”. Shikintaza is literally to take the posture of Zazen and just sit there with no goals, no aspirations, no good, no bad, just sit. There are no cookies or trophies. You don’t necessarily get up from sitting feeling great that you did it. You may rise from your noble posture only to ask yourself why the hell would anybody just sit there like a dumbass.

Practice and a dream

I had a dream just now that was quite interesting. Zen doesn’t seem to put a lot of stock in dreams. I’ve heard it’s the result of too much sleep (not the case for this one however). I think the ancients paid more attention to them. I’ve belonged to some dream groups and had Jungian analysis, which often uses dreams. To me dreams are a message from myself to myself. A letter maybe telling me what is happening in my life.

This dream had a lot of repeathing themes. It was set in a huge home that seemed to have endless new wings.

it’s all passing away

I have started physical therapy because my body is not working. One thing that long, depressive states often leave you with is a weak, untrained, puffy body that doesn’t obey commands very well.

My first day the trainer looked me over and twisted and tugged and all that shit, so he could see what he had gotten stuck with. He’s just as hot as he can be and sweet as he can be. You can see my first barrier was learning to keep my mouth closed and pay attention to what he was saying without devouring him with my eyes. Yeah – that hot.

In the twising and poking we found my hips are wearing out. What strikes mt is that the pain I started feeling in my mid thirties that was so easy to ignore has become that indicator of old age – bad hips. I used to have such a sweet butt, I was known for it. Very ironic of you Universe or Karma or whatever.

Teach then shredded more illusions by letting me know that the easy exercise of walking, just WALKING was not the best for me right now. Apparently I have to build up some shock absorbers (aka muscle) before I can perform the daring act of walking a few hundred feet. So it’s cycling first.

Ok, I accepted all that, he saw that I accepted it and even commented on it (“not unexpected then, right?” he said).

But he then gave me the exercises that I am to do. As we know. all exercises are illustrated with slim healthy white folks doing the movements with ease while smiling. The ones he gave me had the sketch of an old fart with a big belly struggling to make one stupid rep. Seriously.

It’s still on my mind.

Daily Dharma

From Tricycle

Like Pulling a Rabbit Out of a Hat

The spacious mind has room for everything. It is like the space in a room, which is never harmed by what goes in and out of it. In fact, we say “the space in this room,” but actually, the room is in the space, the whole building is in the space. When the building has gone, the space will still be there. The space surrounds the building, and right now we are containing space in a room. With this view we can develop a new perspective. We can see that there are walls creating the shape of the room and there is the space. Looking at it one way, the walls limit the space in the room. But looking at it another way, we see that space is limitless.

–Ajahn Sumedho from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review, Fall 1995

our worlds – From E. Tolle’s book "A New Earth"

Eckhart Tolle and Oprah on youtube

“Each person’s life – each life form in fact – represents a world. A unique way in which the universe expresses itself. And when your world dissolves a world comes to an end – one of countless worlds.

A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey

“Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being and not lost in your mind.”